The Bath ( 5 )

Before coming to Japan, I lived in London with a Dutch guy, a Spanish Guy, a Kiwi guy, an Aussie girl and an Irish couple. There were two bathrooms but, nevertheless, mornings were quite hostile. After seeing an open bathroom one minute, during the next minute while I grabbed my towel and headed for the bathroom door, someone else would sneak in and lock the door pushing my shower back 10 or so minutes. Then, to ensure a shower and getting to work on time, I would have to stand guard so that nobody else would dive in.
The general idea is to freshen up (for some of us it is to wake up) and go off to work feeling clean. Showers are faster than baths so baths are very special nights or Sunday afternoons.

For my first year in Japan, I lived with 5 other people. There was only one bathroom so I expected it to be a rat-race. To the contrary, mornings were peaceful. The 2 Japanese girls never entered the bathroom. They did their make-up in their bedrooms and didn’t need a shower or a bath in the morning.
Traditionally, every evening, Japanese people have washed themselves with soap in the shower then sat in a hot bath to relax. The water was as clean when they got out as when they got in, so all family members could use the same water starting with the father, mother, then the children, from eldest to youngest.

After asking people from different cultures why they do things the way they do, I usually hear firm, uncompromising reasons. I believe children learn the ways to do things as they grow up, then, think of reasons why the other ways aren’t as good. Do you think so?

The idea of the water changing color by body grime or soap disgusts many Japanese so they wash themselves before entering a bath. The idea of going to bed without washing also disgusts many Japanese so they bathe in the evening. Also, the idea that bathing cleans not only the body, but also the spirit, means people can sleep well after bathing.
But things are changing. After talking to teenagers and University students, I realized that the young generation nowadays is totally different. Although, they still hold some of the beliefs and values of their parents and grandparents, they take showers in mornings for the same reasons people in other countries do.

Anyway, thanks to this tradition, my morning routine for my first year in Japan was a very relaxed and enjoyable experience.

The Bow ( 4 )

I remember when I was in my early teens, I could run and run and run. If I got tired I could rest for a few minutes, then I’d be ready to go again. In my late teens I realized that if I exercised too hard, my body would feel sore that evening. If I exercised extremely hard, I would feel very sore the next day.
Now I’m even older, so naturally my body “feels it” if I exercise too much, drink too much, or worry too much. When this happens, I tell the people around me. Maybe I want some sympathy, or maybe I’m apologizing for not being so cheerful and genki.
A few weeks ago my girlfriend called me “selfish”. “You’re always telling me about your pains and complaining about your physical condition. I have to worry about you and do everything I can to help you recover. I like taking care of you but you complain too often.”
Since my girlfriend is Japanese, and has never lived abroad, I feel I should try to understand her “Japanese perspective” before pushing mine onto her. 1-Japanese people rarely complain about things. 2-When Japanese people want something done, they’ll often express their feelings and leave it at that. With these 2 points in mind, I realized that when Japanese people do complain, they expect something to be done. I realized that I had unknowingly been putting stress on her.
After I explained my perspective, she asked if it would be ok if she complained about her health and physical condition everyday. Thinking it would be nice for her to open up and for me to be more in tune with her feelings, I said “sure”. She did, a lot. After a week of her complaining at least once a day, I’d had enough.
Because of our upbringings and, more importantly, our cultures being different, we had different boundaries. Our problem was that the line between when to tell someone about a discomfort and when to keep it to yourself was very different. Then, my girlfriend acted in a way less Japanese. To her, it was like I had explained. To me, it was not only less Japanese, it was obviously over-reacting.
But, if I think on the subject of over-reacting, I think more about gaijins trying to act like Japanese. When I lived in a gaijin house with 5 others, one nice American guy bowed deeply several times to our Japanese room-mates for mistakenly using some of her margarine. She got angry saying that us room-mates knew each other well, so casual apologies were sufficient. Such bowing was only for official situations where the relationship was either important or delicate.
Since then, I've seen many foreigners in Japan bow too deeply and repeat the bow too many times which has made Japanese people feel a little uncomfortable.
Anyway, I’m glad to say that my girlfriend and I seemed to have drawn a new line. I think twice before I express my discomfort and she doesn’t take my complaining so seriously.

The Way ( 3 )

From my experience, most foreigners stay in Japan less than 2 years. English teachers want to get back and work in their chosen field, and company workers want to get back to their family and work near home. Amongst English teachers, more than half quit their first job and try a different company so there are a lot of welcome parties and “bye-bye” parties for English teachers in Japan.
On one occasion, I remember standing around the office waiting to head out to an izakaya. A group of us (gaijin) were standing, some half sitting against desks, talking and joking. 3 Japanese were on the other side of the room. They too were engaged in casual conversation, but were standing like soldiers ready to march. The most experienced of the three was the most relaxed and doing most of the talking.
I stopped going to Sunday school when I was 7 years old but since living in Japan, I would describe my upbringing as Christian. I was told to be good and to do the right thing. Morality and fairness were emphasized. As long as what I did was considered good, I could do everything MY OWN WAY.
In contrast, Japanese emphasize “the way”. If you look at English books about Japan, many will refer to “the way”, for example “The Way of the Warrior” or “The way of Flower Arranging”. Doing things the way they are supposed to be done helps harmony which is very important in Japan. When faced with a choice of doing things “the way” or not doing things the “right” way, Japanese people want to be a person who follows “the way”. This means rules about trivial things will be followed. Senior workers in companies are more important than new employees. Standing up straight is better than resting your bottom on desks. Passing and receiving things with two hands shows an individuals effort and ability to follow “the way of passing and receiving”.
During my two years of attending aikido classes, I developed new ideas about Japanese martial arts. I can see I learnt `the way` to do things. Martial arts teaches the way to work hard to improve, use strength to avoid conflict, and to take control of one’s own life.
The two groups grew larger. I was amazed that we were shared so many similar human qualities yet I could notice so many things which were different just by looking at the two waiting groups of people. Eventually, we all started to mix and form one larger group. We headed to an Izakaya and stayed mixed for the rest of the night. Despite all our differences, we ate, drank and all had a great evening.

Apartments ( 2 )

It took me more than a few months before I’d made a Japanese friend good enough to be invited directly by a Japanese person into a Japanese house. During my second month in Japan, I was privileged to be invited by an American friend (who I had known for years) to his Japanese friend’s house for Nabe. It was my first time to go into a Japanese person’s house. Hiro, like many young Japanese, had come to Tokyo to study at university.
When in public, it’s easy to notice that the Japanese put on their best face, be highly considerate of others and act in a way that promotes harmony, even with good friends. The flip side of this is that Japanese people need their privacy to relax and be themselves. Almost all young Japanese coming to Tokyo choose to live alone.
There was a time, about 10 to 15 years ago, when land prices in Tokyo were the highest in the world. They’ve steadily dropped every year since, but they are still high. Because of the high population density and high land prices Tokyo accommodation is mostly apartment buildings with small rooms for single people who have come to Tokyo by themselves, like Hiro. It’s rare to hear of Japanese living with friends. They usually stay with their family or live alone until they get married.
I followed the two into Hiro’s apartment. With no room to sit down, I slipped off my shoes without untying my laces and passed from the small entrance, between the shower/toilet room and the narrow kitchen into the main room. There was also a loft the size of his mattress, to sleep on. In his room there were only the essentials - tv, stereo, computer and a bookcase with CDs and books-No room for unnecessary items. With rooms this size, I realize why the Japanese need to invent things which are creatively space saving.
Since apartments are small and private, Japanese people in Tokyo seem to prefer to go out to meet their friends and eat out. I feel it’s an honor to get invited to a Japanese person house for some playstation or to taste their cooking. Like Hiro, they all seem to have great hospitality and most know how to prepare delicious food. If you ever get the chance to visits somebody's house or apartment in Tokyo (or anywhere in Japan), treasure the experience.

Socks ( 1 )

In my first week in Japan I was invited to go out to an izakaya with a group of people, 4 gaijin and 4 Japanese. As we walked into the entrance of the izakaya, I realized that everyone had to take off their shoes before stepping up onto the polished wooden flooring. I watched carefully noticing how the first Japanese guy easily slipped off his shoes without undoing his laces, then, without placing a sock onto the not so clean carpet, he stepped straight onto the clean wooden flooring.
Since I was still new to the country and everything was still very unfamiliar to me, I was being careful not to make any embarrassing mistakes. I hoped I hadn’t put on my oldest socks, but since I had arrived in Japan, I hadn’t owned any old socks, so that wasn’t a problem. I knew I’d have to take more time to undo my laces but I felt that wouldn’t be a problem either.
Suddenly, my attention turned to another member of our group. A gaijin who was not only green like myself but not very observant. He was telling a story about a drunk salaryman who threw up near the station the night before. He slipped off his shoes, picked them up, and started stepping around on the carpet. He continued, trying to keep his audience while they took off their shoes.
There was a definite boundary. One area was the carpet, the soles of shoes and the dirt from the ground outside. The second area was the polished wooden flooring, the insides of shoes and socks which were considered free from dirt.
As he walked towards and stepped up onto the wooden flooring, I noticed a few pairs of eyes flick down at his feet but nobody said anything to him. I don’t know if they were thinking about the boundary between the 2 areas or if they were looking at his big toes protruding through his socks.

Introduction - Japanese Culture

It's easy to be critical and disgusted by other cultures, if we only look at them on the surface. If we think about and understand other cultures deeply, we can appreciate them more. We can also learn about ourselves and become more cultured people. A kiwi friend, who also lives in Tokyo, once said to me “Being in Japan makes me a better person”. Learning about Japan and Japanese people is not only interesting and educational but also spiritually uplifting.

If you are in Japan, plan to visit Japan in the future, or know one or more Japanese people, I recommend that you stay open and positive to learning about Japan to make the most of your travel experiences and friendships. The short stories in this blog can be read in numerical order or read randomly choosing by title. The storiess progress from relatively obvious cultural differences to more difficult to understand and intriguing differences. If you have lived in Japan, you’ll probably enjoy reading the latter stories more.

Like most things in life, we learn mostly by experience. We can’t learn everything from reading but reading can help us think and speed up the learning process and give us new perspectives. Each short story shares an experience and touches on unique features of Japanese culture, often specific to Tokyo. I hope your reading stimulates thought and speeds up the learning from your real-life experiences, so that you can understand and appreciate Japan more and more.